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Showing posts from July, 2018

Disposable clothes

They sell disposable diapers, wipes, plates, utensils, toilet bowl brushes, and razors. So why don't they make disposable clothing?

Imagine a world where you never had to wash clothes. Instead of spending the entire day processing fifteen batches of laundry, you are now free every Saturday to go horseback riding, hang gliding, or watch TV and eat Doritos.

Imagine when traveling,  instead of stuffing a heavy, inconvenient suit case full of clothes, and then dragging it all over the world, you just bring your wallet and Chapstick. When you get to your destination, you simply make a quick stop to the disposable wardrobe store and you're set for the duration of your trip. When it's time to go home, you just stuff those disposable shirts, pants and socks into the garbage can and you're off!

Imagine for just a moment, feeling like Oprah, and putting on brand new clothes every single day. You'll always be in-fashion since you are getting a continual supply of stylish, ye…

Prevent saggy balls. Pre-order my most-likely to be patented solution

I recently watched Ricky Gervais' Humanity Netflix special. In it he mentions his scrotum has grown humorously longer as he has aged. (And here I thought those man parts couldn't get any weirder.)

He made light of his sack sag. While it's obvious that he doesn't love it, he can easily find the humor in it. I, however, cannot.

No, I don't own a pair down there, but I still have to deal with them on a daily basis. To me, his rendition of old, long, buoyant balls sounds horrifying. I don't know if that's because I'm superficial, or because I've never owned a pair of testicles, or because that area already skeeved me out.

Regardless of why, Gervais' "special" was a shocking revelation to me. It made me realize that if I sit idly by and do nothing, over time, those dangly man-bits will eventually morph into something even worse than they are now. I cannot let that happen. At that moment, I vowed to find a way to reverse that situation, and…

When people compliment something that is yours but not you

Check out my dogs..
Adorable, right?

On the rare occasion when I leave the house and take these two scoundrels for a walk, passersby often tell me kind things about them...

ME: "Ooo, sorry, he doesn't bite...usually... he just growls when he wants to play! Don't be afraid!"
THEM: "What a beautiful dog." and/or "What a cute puppy!"
ME: awkward silence followed by awkward noises and awkward gestures

I used to say "Thank You" when people complimented the appearance of my pets. But it started making me feel icky, like the feeling I get from the rancid smell of an old dish towel someone used to sop up milk...a week ago.

Who am I to take credit for Trigger's feisty puppy spunk or Wizby's soft golden fur? I had no part in the creation of my dogs...I did none of the upfront design, nor any of the creation work. Plus, I can't take credit for their awesome behavior either since both dogs are poorly mannered and untrained. All I did was p…