Don't Leave Your Epitaph To Your Kids

Photo by Joy Real on Unsplash
When you have a moment, may I suggest that you have a seat, put pen to paper and write down what you want etched on your headstone. This is the final statement the rest of the world will read about you for years to come, and therefore should not be left to your bozo family members.

Next time you're wandering (or speed-walking, or playing Pokemon Go) in a cemetery, notice how little creativity was put into the epitaphs. When most people are deciding what to write on their dearly-departed's tombstone, they probably just pick one from the list on the sheet of paper taped to the wall next to the receptionist's desk at the Headstone shop,  titled "50 Top Epitaphs." If you leave your epitaph to your "survivors," yours will just be one more headstone that none of the early-morning joggers at the cemetery stops to look at.

It's not your family's fault. Granted, none of them are very creative, but you died and they're most likely sad. They aren't be in a frame of mind conducive to writing a good epitaph.

Get off the couch and start spit-balling ideas. You never know when your number will be up. Ensure your headstone is a flamingo in a crowd of seagulls.

To put my money where my mouth is (boy, that's a weird phrase). I present my own suggestions for my epitaph:

  • I'll come back if I can...maybe as a bug, maybe as a zombie--- either way, you won't like it
  • She'll miss a lot of good TV shows
  • meh
  • At least she won't have to smell our farts anymore
  • My whole life has led up to this moment
  • I have a lot of regrets
  • The world will pretty much be the same without her
  • I told you that soup tasted weird
  • Now she's nagging people in heaven 
  • Who's going to clean the bathroom now?

For professional advice on this subject, plus a link to 77+ sad songs that will make you cry, check out this site:


Mugz said…
I am going with a combination of two:
She'll miss a lot of good TV shows, but at least she won't have to smell our farts anymore.

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