Smug Parents and Dog Owners

Maybe the "dumbest" dogs are actually the smartest
Fine, I admit we haven't raised the most disciplined dogs over the years. Regardless of the breed, they always bark when the doorbell rings, jump up on guests, and poop all over the back yard in a willy-nilly fashion. Be that as it may, they haven't hurt anyone or any body's pets (the neighbor's mauled chicken doesn't count because he flew into our yard---he was asking for it), nor do they intentionally defecate or urinate in the house.

When I tell people my funny dog stories (the stories I think are funny anyway), I get mixed responses and reviews. The dog haters think I'm the worst---mostly because I own a dog. I can get over that and understand their perspective. The majority of people who own dogs whom I talk to are smug and condescending, and instead of laughing at my stories and commiserating with me, criticize my lack of training and dog-control, making me feel like an irresponsible stupid dog owner.

The funniest kid stories are the ones about those little rugrats misbehaving. I feel like a tool when I talk about how wonderful my kids are and why---sorry egotistical parents, but those stories don't amuse or engage people (except grandmas---save those stories for her!). C'mon, you know how much you hate it when your neighbor goes on and on about how smart and talented her precious little Jimmy his math skills are so advanced that he is now teaching math to the teachers; how his scientific ability is so "special" he is about to invent a drug that cures obesity forever and earn a billion dollars in the process. My favorite (by which I mean least favorite) is when parents "complain" about the hardships of having such intelligent and talented kids. "Oh no, life is so hard because Jimmy is smarter than everyone in the world---poor us, he can't get a good education that caters to his unique and special gifts." All I think when I hear this is BARF! You're just saying all this to brag. Stop. You've already won the superficial kid challenge. I tap out. It's all you. Stop talking about it. If I started talking about all the amazing things about my kids, there wouldn't be enough time or space to share it. We all have amazing kids. We are all doing are best as parents. Every person has a different skill set or talent---regardless of how schools and society judge intelligence and success. 

The same thing to all the arrogant dog owners out there. Aren't you so wonderful training your puppies to obey your every command? Because of your awesomeness, those canines only relieve themselves in the toilet (and even raise both lids and wipe off the seat! Wow, they are better than most men!).

When I share my frustrations about my kids with others, in general, they let their hair down, laugh, sympathize and then share their own harrowing kid stories, and we bond and laugh together with a common challenge. But when I do the same with dog owners, I usually get self-righteous condemnation.  

Are dogs that much different from human children? Can you really train dogs to the point where their natural inclinations are destroyed and they obey your every command without question---like a non-evil robot? Is that even what we should strive for? I would never want that level of control and stifling for my children, should I want it for my dog?  I know the dog shouldn't be allowed to poop all over the house and bite and scratch people, but is it really that bad if he barks and scares people and jumps up and kisses people he loves? Is it? I'm asking because I really don't know and want to learn.

Why do dog owners want to let me know how much better they are at raising dogs then me? I don't have the luxury of spending 24/7 with my dog teaching him to quit being such an asshole. I've taught him the bare minimum, and he is super happy, and we are mostly happy with him. Why can't that be enough? Can we lower the bar a little, so slackers and laze-bouts like me can enjoy life, hug and spoil their pets without being judged?

Wizby: Taking advantage of his masters' weakness, and pissing off haughty dog owners one hike at a time


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