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Showing posts from 2017

Smug Parents and Dog Owners

Fine, I admit we haven't raised the most disciplined dogs over the years. Regardless of the breed, they always bark when the doorbell rings, jump up on guests, and poop all over the back yard in a willy-nilly fashion. Be that as it may, they haven't hurt anyone or any body's pets (the neighbor's mauled chicken doesn't count because he flew into our yard---he was asking for it), nor do they intentionally defecate or urinate in the house.

When I tell people my funny dog stories (the stories I think are funny anyway), I get mixed responses and reviews. The dog haters think I'm the worst---mostly because I own a dog. I can get over that and understand their perspective. The majority of people who own dogs whom I talk to are smug and condescending, and instead of laughing at my stories and commiserating with me, criticize my lack of training and dog-control, making me feel like an irresponsible stupid dog owner.

The funniest kid stories are the ones about those little…

Is a Salmon's Life Really Worth Living?

I recently listened to a podcast reminding me of the seemingly mindless and self-sacrificing natural, instinctual life of the wild Salmon. Salmon are born in freshwater and then eventually swim downstream to the salty ocean where they grow and live for about five years (depending on the species). Then they make the hazardous swim back to whence they came, make some new fish then die.

Do they ever pause as they get beaten down as they struggle up waterfalls and think, "Hey man, what's this all about?" Or, "Forget this spawning crap Jim, I'm staying here in the ocean and living a full life on my terms."

I mean sure, they're effective at propagating the species, but are they happy?  Is it enough just to live, propagate and die?

Maybe their 5 years in the ocean is like rumspringa. At the end of that, they swim back to the community to secure their place in heaven when they die. Maybe the salmon really do have it all figured out. Maybe they are having their…

Wild

At two months old, our dog was completely wild. If he had an urge to do something, he'd do it. He peed wherever he wanted, bit whomever he wanted, destroyed whatever he wanted. We've spent the last year and a half trying to tame the wild out of him. Now he only pees outside.  Based on the fact that yesterday he ripped up our entire DVD collection, I would say his percentage of wild is still too high.

If we could get him to stop destroying things, barking insanely at the doorbell, and jumping up on people, his wild to tame ratio would go from a guesstimate of 50/50 to 20/80. He would still be able to sleep wherever he wanted, have crazy time whenever he wanted, and get us to pet him whenever he wanted.

Some people think that is still too much wild, and give me unwanted advice on what I'm doing wrong and what I should do different raising him. I have friends whose dogs are completely tamed. They only tip-toe on designated areas of the carpet, only bark on command, and poop …

Freakin' Hilariously-Genius Shows You Must Watch

I'll never understand why people watch 60 min dramas when there are so many brilliant 30 minute comedies available. Why would you want to watch a show that depresses you instead of a show that makes you laugh?

My mind is consistently blown away with the new, creative, funny television shows that people keep producing.

The comedic geniuses that write and perform brilliant material that make people laugh should be the people getting Nobel prizes. I can't think of a better outstanding contribution for humanity than to transport viewers into a new reality for 28 minutes that make them happy.

There are a lot of funny shows out there, but my current list contains shows I've watched and deemed "hilariously-genius" or for short "hi-gen."

For a show to earn my coveted "hi-gen" label, it must make me:

Consistently lol (literally, not figuratively).Experience something I have never experienced beforeWant to meet the writersWant to read the script over an…

Donald Trump is our President?

I hate to get political on this blog for fear of alienating my three readers, but dude, I just can't keep it in any longer. Ya know that feeling when something terrible happened the day before (like your dog died) and you wake up in the morning, forgetting about the day's horror for a split second (ah, everything is good), and then you remember...you remember what happened. Then the sorrow floods in. The hurt is all the more powerful and damaging because of that brief, forgetful moment of peace. Okay, you're with me on this phenomenon? Good. To my point: I'm experiencing this sensation on a daily basis with the whole Donald Trump = President thing. 
So I'm humming happily along in my everyday, boring life, then I hear a news report or see a carrot, and I'm instantly blasted out of my contentment and reminded that, holy cow, Donald Trump is the President! What???? I usually say out loud to whoever is nearby, "I can't believe Donald Trump is the President…