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Preparing to Go to the Past

What would you do if you found out tomorrow that in one month you would be transported back in time 200 years and would never return to the present?

Here are the top five things I would do to prepare:


1. Get laser eye surgery



  • If I'm the one person in the village who can see past the shed, I will be revered!
  • Glasses + woman = burned at stake

2. Get a hysterectomy



  • No way am I going to use leaves or bark or whatever kind of torturous devices women used for their feminine needs back then.


3. Learn how to make graham crackers



  •  I "invent" graham crackers before Sylvester Graham ever has the thought. In your face Sylvester! This will make me rich and famous---or get me burned at the stake. Plus we won't have to call them graham crackers anymore -- because that is lame. I'll invent some super awesome name like "S'more Enhancer Crackers".

4. Invent S'mores







Now that I think of it, the only way I won't be burned at the stake is if I went back in time as a man. So...

5. Get a penis.




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What are the top five things you would do before leaving now for then forever?



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