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Showing posts from August, 2014

Coprophobia (Poop Phobia)

Coprophobia is defined as "Anabnormalabhorrenceofdefecationandfeces." I'm no doctor, but isn't it surprising that we all don't have this? After all, it's poop people. We evolved to hate poop. If our ancestors didn't fear feces (note to self, add 'Fear Feces' to possible band name list), and instead decided to eat it, or smear it all over their legs, then there's a good chance the human race wouldn't have made it this far because poop is 40% nasty, infectious bacteria, and a 100% the single most disgusting thing on earth. What if one day you were cleaning up some dog poo and it accidentally got in your mouth---and what if that dog poo was all white---like it used to turn in 1970s*---everyone knows that the white ones were the worse. Can you imagine anything more horrifying? 

Sadly, the majority of people have never even heard of Coprophobia.  If only there was a way to get the message out to the masses so we can start raising money to fi…

Hooray For People---Part 4: Snow Cone Drip Tray Inventor

Top seven worst things about snow cones: Running out of juice before running out of ice. The clownish after-cone lip stain. Proprietors calling them 'Shaved ice' or 'Hawaiian Snow.' It's still a damn snow cone.Only allowing customers to choose up to three flavors.Cherry flavor tastes like cough medicine.Aggressive straw-poking tearing the bottom of the Styrofoam cup.The inevitable sticky spillage.
While many of these problems have yet to be solved, I'm thrilled to say that #7 is no longer an issue--- thanks to---you guessed it---people!
As snow cones became super-sized, the risk of spillage also became super sized. As the American penchant for largesse outpaced American snow cone problem solving ingenuity, a dark period descended upon the snow cones----the risk of spillage was so great that parents actually forbade their children from eating them in the car! Fortunately, some hero, for whom sadly, nobody has ever sung, invented the snow cone satellite dish a.k.a.…

Chik-Fil-A's New Grilled Chicken Dissapoints Long Time Fan

Dear Chik-Fil-A,

I realize that you spent $50 million dollars and seven years to formulate your new grilled chicken recipe, but I'm wondering if you could please change it back to the original recipe?

While the new more-distinct grill marks are visually appealing, your new herb-cluttered marinade masks the succulent natural chicken flavor.  I used to order the grilled chicken sandwich once a week, now I can't even look at a picture of that sandwich.

While I'm all for change when it brings about better things, I'm against it if it makes things worse.  Not to worry though, I have a solution for this chicken debacle---or chickbacle---as my Grandmother used to say. Using my proprietary, unique two step process, you can revert to the original recipe and actually make more money than you would have had you never started on this chickbacle.

Step 1: Come out with a "new" recipe that isn't as good as the original recipe. People will buy it because it's new. (Y…