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Showing posts from June, 2014

How Doctors Could Make Pelvic Exams Less Horrifying

First off, a mild warning, if you've never had one and never plan on having a pelvic exam, you may want to stop reading. If you've never had one, but plan on having one then you also might want to stop reading because **spoiler alert!**

Maybe it's just me, but these exams are pretty much the worse thing imaginable. If Dante was a woman, there would be a tenth circle of hell and it would be a never ending pelvic exam.

Allow me to illustrate my point.

Here's how these exams should be:
Here's how they actually are:

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a simple idea for Gynecologists everywhere to help the experience be more Figure 1 and less Figure 2---Swap out the harsh florescent light on the ceiling for something soothing. Such as,
A 'Hang I…

My Top 20 Possible Band Names

Here is the list of names I'm considering for my future band:

Hotep Nefti
Bacon Underware
The Onederful
Underwater Rebellion
The Fiasco
Fried Twinkie
Food Baby
Anorexic Indulenge
Freezer Burn
Streaming Audio
Three-Foot Rule
Uncomfortable Silence
7minute Frosting
Glitter Gymnastics
One Weird Toe
Flappy Weanus

What's the Deal with all the Crows?

I used to think crows were anti-social loners like mountain lions and the Una-bomber, but lately, I've noticed huge black flocks circling the sky and covering the fields. When I see a single crow, all by her lonesome, I say hey Mrs. Crow, good to see ya. But when I see a whole bunch of crows all together I shout, Crowmageddon! Or sometimes Crowpocalypse! Hundreds of crows gathering can only mean one thing---they are plotting our demise. In the beginning, it will start with small annoyances like intermittent loud squawking while we try to talk on our cell phones.  But soon will escalate into them devouring and ruining our lives by eating all the fourth of July corn on the cob and causing heaps of bad luck.

We need to get rid of these varmints before it's too late. I went to Walmart and asked the greeter if they carried crow repellent---he said they didn't so I left. Actually, now I think of it, I may have accidentally asked for crow retardant. I'll have to go back and …