Skip to main content

How Wolverine 2 Could Have Been Better

Hugh Jackman deserved to be in a better version of a Wolverine sequel than "The Wolverine." For Mr. Jackman's sake, I propose a re-make with the following change. (Spoiler Alert - don't read if you haven't seen the movie yet)

The current movie takes itself way too seriously. IMHO, anytime you tell a story about a mutant immortal with retractable metal claws who calls himself "Wolverine" it must be done a little-bit tongue in cheek---or it just seems ridiculous. That's why the Wolverine character worked so well when we met him in the first X-Men movie. He wasn't just scary, brooding and sexy, he was funny too! Wolverine needs to lighten up a bit---it's like watching The Hulk---if The Hulk never morphed back into Bruce Banner---it gets boring after awhile.  Here's some examples of possible scenes they could add to the re-make:
  • At the beginning instead of having Wolverine off in the woods with nobody but a bear, have him trying (unsuccessfully of course) to fit into regular society. Imagine Mr. Jackman in a form-fitting golf shirt and khaki short-shorts selling computers at Best Buy---he's helping an annoying, arrogant, nerdy guy who can't make a decision. Wolverine inevitably loses his patience and ends up getting fired by his teenage boss for protracting (I just learned this word) his claws and destroying a bunch of computers and big screen TVs. And maybe his shirt gets ripped off in the process. It could be a magical combination of funny and sad.
  • When he first comes out after his Japanese hair cut, have someone say, "Looks like they missed a couple spots." And then gesture to his Wolverine hair wings.
  •  Instead of always dreaming of Jean next to him in bed, one time have him roll over expecting to see Jean, but discovering Scott Summers aka Cyclops, Jean's boyfriend, with his shirt off. After the shock wears off, have them share in a bit of witty and awkward jealous male banter, and then have them compliment each other on their abs ("Nice abs dude.")
  • When he's hiding out with the Japanese heiress, after they get caught in a rainstorm and get their clothes soaked, the only dry shirt available for him to wear is a pink one of hers with Hello Kitty on it. After he walks out in the shirt, she giggles like an anime cartoon character.
  • When Wolverine is offered sushi in Japan he says: "Raw fish? What am I, some sort of animal?"
  • In the scene after the credits, after one of the guys issues this warning: "They're making a weapon to get rid of our kind..." Wolverine says, "uh, I think I already saw that movie."
How about it Hollywood? You're all about the remakes. If not for me, then do it for Hugh Jackman.

Popular posts from this blog

Why Do We Take Sports So Seriously?

I wouldn't have ever been picked to be “Sporty Spice.” I'd probably get picked as the "Likes Stuffed Animals Too Much Spice." Point being, I wasn't much of a sports player or sports fan growing up. I spent most of my days cataloging my stuffed animals' life experiences in a notebook and stirring up self-directed trouble in the neighborhood.
In an ironic twist, in addition to their love of stuffed animals (thanks to me), my boys love sports. Four years ago I'd never heard of "Comp” Sports. Now, most of my time is spent practicing, playing, or talking about them---oh and let’s not forget paying for them.

15 years ago if someone told me I’d be a “baseball mom” who spent every weekend and weekday shuffling her kids to practices and games, I’d call them bat-crap crazy. (*Sigh* the things we’ll do for our kids…am I right?) 
Since my kids started playing sports, I’ve seen and heard a lot of things that made me question the inherent goodness of the average…

Rock, Paper, Scissors, Pencil

Okay, so I didn't succeed in stopping the Kaysville cannon this year. But next year will be different. Next year, I'm actually going to try. I'll keep you posted.

On to a different subject, which is somewhat related to the previous topic since both involve me improving the world. I'm looking to renew my childhood dream of adding pencil to the rock, paper, scissors game. I added it many, many years ago, and was able to successfully convert my next-door neighbor, so I'm pretty sure now that I'm all grown up and wiser and what not, that I'll have no problem convincing the rest of you to add it.

Instead of saying "Rock, Paper, Scissors" you will say "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Pencil." Okay, see now, it's a subtle but significant difference. There are four elements instead of three. It might seem a bit tricky at first, but you'll get the hang of it, and then you will never want to go back to the original version.

The rules are as follow…

How Much Should You Tip A Balloon Artist?

When did balloon animals get so complex? Check out the detail on these works of art:

I used to tip the balloon guy a dollar per balloon animal and felt like that was fair. Today with all the detail work the guy put in I felt $1.00 wasn't enough, so I upped it to $2.00. Now I'm wondering if that was too low. Also, when I asked where he learned his craft, he answered, "Jail." I LOLd. Would that warrant a higher tip? Then on the ride home my kids insisted that was his only job, and that made me sad.