Lawn Weed Conspiracy Theory

I'm 91.5% certain that somebody is sabotaging our lawn. May I present to you Exhibit A:
Exhibit A: Artist's Rendition

This is a random spot in our front lawn. The entire lawn looks the same. It's basically a weed carpet. I know what you're thinking---Here's You: "sheesh Jill, you should take care of your blah, blah, blah, devaluing the neighborhood, blah blah, city ordinances, blahdy blah blah, lazy, blah, weed killer, blahdy blah." 

Well save it mister. We ARE doing all that, mostly. Every year it's the same thing. We go to Walmart and buy all the bags of fertilizer Scott's tell us to, plus weed killer, plus bug killer, plus mold killer, plus wasp killer and we spread them all over the lawn on a mostly regular basis, following the instructions mostly to the letter. Things start to look pretty good, and then one day we look outside, and bam, weeds galore.

Our next door neighbor's lawn doesn't have any weeds. See her lawn in Exhibit B below:
perfect green: none
Proof of Lawn Weed Conspiracy, Exhibit B
How could two lawns, both made of grass, using the same irrigation water,  look so different? The rest of the neighborhood lawns are just as green and weed-free as our next door neighbor's. The only thing they do different is hire out their lawn care services. It's like someone keeps throwing weed seeds all over just our lawn. But who would do such a thing? Who has the means, the motive, and the opportunity? Who makes money off weedy lawns? Who has the equipment and ability to procure weed seeds and spread them across lawns? Who is out and about and able to interact with lawns without being suspected of foul play? Are you with me yet? Of course you are---The Lawn Care Service people. What better way to get and keep clients, then make them think that it's impossible to get a weed-free lawn without paying them. As soon as you sign the contract with them, they stop sewing weed seeds on your lawn, and before you know it, your lawn is weed-free. That stuff they spray on your lawn---it's just water. It's like you're paying them not to sabotage your lawn. It's like paying the mob protection money so they can protect you---from themselves. It's like paying Jenny Craig to not feed you. It's sheer madness.

All I need now is non-circumstantial evidence to prove my theory. I'm having the surveillance system installed tomorrow.


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