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Showing posts from July, 2012

If There's No Funkiller, Nature Will Provide One

My husband, or as we like to call him, Mr. Safety Daddy Funkiller, or for short, Funkiller, is our family's self-designated safety police. Whenever there's even the remote possibility of falling, choking or getting cut---he's there. For example, if you're jumping on the couch while chewing gum and he catches you, in his mind, you may as well be wielding a giant running chainsaw with flames shooting out the back. Mr. Safety Daddy Funkiller goes immediately into action and kills the fun in the name of safety.

This weekend, Our dear, sweet Funkiller was out of town. My 9 year old asked me if I didn't like it when Daddy was gone. I told him I didn't mind because then we could have as much fun as we wanted! Then he said something like, "oh yeah, like starting fires...let's start a fire." Alarms went off in my head. So I said, "Seriously? Let's not be stupid. We can have lots of fun, but let's not be stupid."  Next thing you know, I w…

Hulu Plus Review -- Is it Worth It?

No. No it's not worth it.

Yes, it's only $7.99 a month, but compared to Netflix, so not worth it. It's probably worth $1.99 per month. If it was $1.99 I would most likely keep Hulu Plus. But at $7.99 I've decided to drop it. Here's why:

Commercials: Yes, there are commercials throughout each program. Not a lot, but enough to irritate. Plus it's the same 5 commercials over and over and over. That makes it less bearable then standard TV commercials.

Movies: There isn't a single movie listed that we wanted to watch. Not even Miss Congeniality (the only movie I ever watched on Amazon Prime) The majority of the movie offerings are ones I've never heard of with Japanese people on the cover. I'm guessing Hulu made some type of a deal with Japan to get lots of content real cheap. Not worth it Hulu.

TV: Again, not a lot to offer. There are shows on regular Hulu that aren't even on Hulu Plus---like 30 Rock and The Simpsons -- if I'm paying for it, shoul…

The Most Ridiculous Argument of All Time

I've heard a lot of ridiculous arguments. I've been involved in a lot of those ridiculous arguments. Okay, I've started my share of ridiculous arguments. But I think I just witnessed the most ridiculous argument ever.

Let me set the stage for you...

The family went out for a treat. We first ended up at Cold Stone. My 9 year old got a caramel apple, my 7 year old, an ice cream. Then we noticed the evil "Hot One" light was on at Krispy Kreme, so of course had to go there next. On the way home, the boys kept complaining that they were really full---

And thus began the most ridiculous argument of all time:

Me:  Let me see your food babies.
Them: (Both show me their food babies)
Me: What are you going to name them?
9 Yr Old:  Guster!
7 Yr. Old:  Shawn. Shawn Spencer. Mine's named Shawn Spencer.
9 Yr Old:  No Wait. Mine's called Shawn Spencer. You call yours Gus.
7 Yr Old:  (Yelling) No! I named mine Shawn Spencer first!

9 Yr Old:  (Also Yelling) My food baby's n…

I Need to Stop Using the Word Awesome

I never even said awesome in High School. I thought it was lame. So why do I keep saying it now? I say it a lot.  "You're so awesome!" "This is going to be awesome!" "That was awesome!" "Awesome!"

I need a new word that means awesome. I've tried "Fantastic" and "Fabulous", I've even used "Amazing" and "Wonderful", but none of those do---too many syllables--they don't roll off the tongue and they sound pretentious. I've tried the one syllable "Great", but after hearing Awesome so much, Great sounds, well, not so great.One syllable just doesn't convey they meaning that awesome does. I need to find a two-syllable, fun, exciting word to replace Awesome. That is my new quest.

Shower Naps---Here's to you America!

I invented the best thing ever: shower naps. Seeing as I invented on July 4th, I dedicate this new invention to the United States of America. It truly is the epitome of  what it means to be an American.

Here's the back story:

Picture if you will, the wee early morning of July 4th. It's 5:00 A.M. and I can't sleep because I'm nervously anticipating the damn Kaysville Cannon that goes off every July 4th at 6:00 AM. Few things are worse than being scared awake by the sound of a cannon. I decided that since I was already awake, I should go out and exercise. But then I figured since it was a holiday and all, I deserved a break, plus I'd be getting plenty of exercise anyway watching fireworks and eating BBQ, so I skipped the exercise. Since I didn't get any sleep, I was super tired. I really needed a nap to prepare for the parade (more on that to come). Plus I needed a shower. Why not do both? And thus was invented, the shower nap. It's the most relaxing experie…

Maybe Oprah is Wrong

I canceled my subscription to Oprah. It was starting to depress me. Every article insists that to be happy you need to quit everything you're doing and live your dream. The magazine is chock full of tales of women who quit their high paying corporate jobs to live their life dream of making goat cheese in Alaska. All of these women were wildly successful. Everyone wants to buy their dang goat cheese. Well what about the women who made their goat cheese, tried to sell it, and everyone was like, eww, goat cheese. And nobody bought their cheese, and her kids were allergic to goats, and Alaska turned out to be really cold---what about those women? If statistics are right and the majority of new businesses fail, then surely a big chunk of these dream-livin' goat-cheese makin' women failed---they lost their Alaskan farm to the bank and had to move in with their in-laws. I want to hear those stories.

I'm tired of feeling guilty for not living out a cool, life-long dream. Mayb…

I Failed Insanity

The second month of Insanity was really hard. Stuff that's really hard is well, hard, and hard things are hard for me to stick with. (I really need to stop saying hard.) So yes, I quit Insanity...for now anyway. Initially, I didn't admit I was quitting, I was just taking a short break. The short break led to a longer break. And then a really long break.I'm finally ready to admit that I quit. I quit okay, I'm a quitter.

So here's an admission to all those people I guaranteed I'd have a six pack by now---no, I don't have a six pack---there, are you happy? I'm sorry Shawn T---I let you down.You must be so disappointed. I can see you right now, shaking your big beautiful bald head at me in disgust, wearing those tight, tight shorts without a shirt. Your chiseled abs and giant shoulders glistening with sweat---wait, whoa---I've digressed---where was I--oh yeah---in conclusion me=loser---circle slash Insanity--again, for now. Shawn T---we will meet again…