More Things Should Be Illegal

The state lifted its long-standing ban on aerial fireworks this year---for the entire month of July! And can I just say, it's tough to enjoy breaking the law when the government makes things legal.

One of my greatest summer pleasures was lighting illegal fireworks. It was so exciting, knowing that at any second the cops might come and haul me off to jail, or give me a ticket, or pleasure me with a stern lecture. Now lighting my stash of bumblebees, mortar rounds, rockets, and artillery shells has lost its thrill.

Now that I'm old mature, I can't really go around breaking a whole bunch of laws anymore---it would be unseemly. So I was channeling most of my left over rebelliousness into illegal fireworks. Now the government's gone and taken that away. What are you going to ruin for me next legislators? Are you going to make it legal for non-pregnant women to park in the expecting mother's parking spaces? Are you really going to rob me of that guilty pleasure too?


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