Frozen Yogurt is Still Stupid

There are many things I would love to bring back from the eighties---frozen yogurt is not one of them. I was shocked to see frozen yogurt shops popping up everywhere recently. Big 1980s hair? Yes, I would love to see that make a come back. But frozen yogurt? Have we learned nothing?

For the past year I've listened to countless people I know and generally trust, rave about how wonderful the new frozen yogurt shops were---which started me thinking. Maybe after 30 years of high-tech, intensive 21st century research, food scientists had finally come up with a frozen yogurt that tasted as good as ice cream, or at least tasted good. Turns out, that's not the case. It was terrible then and it's terrible now. In fact, I'm pretty sure they're using the exact same mixes that were created in the 80s. Some guy probably found some old frozen yogurt bags sitting in his basement, dusted them off, and decided to open a yogurt shop---and then somehow brainwashed people into thinking it tasted good and was worth $5.00 a serving.

If you haven't tried the "new" frozen yogurt yet, imagine packing a big wad of toilet paper into a dense tight ball, and then soaking it in water and freezing it. Oh, and to make it look pretty, go ahead and sprinkle it with M&Ms, raspberries and stale bubblegum. Now taste it. That's pretty much what frozen yogurt tastes like.

So take it from me, if you want to save your taste buds and wallet from a being assaulted, skip the overpriced, overly-cutsey, frozen yogurt shop and stop by your local grocery store and pick up one of those 5 gallon ice cream buckets for five dollars---that's only $1.00 a gallon for a cold, creamy, deliciously tasty treat.


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