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Kohl's MVC Status Circumvents Shopping Re-hab---Part 2

So where was I? Ah, yes. So my shopping re-hab was going well---until Kohl's unleashed yet another of their diabolical, yet effective, schemes: I have reached MVC status. Yes, you heard correctly, I am now an official "Most Valued Customer"of Kohl's. I'm not just valued, I'm the MOST valued. Plus, check out the fancy new credit card they sent me. It has gold on it!  
They went to all this trouble to essentially crown me, I can't very well turn my back on them now. What would they think? It would be rude of me to stop shopping there. Plus, I imagine with my new status I can expect some pretty amazing perks when I go to Kohl's. I figure now I'll be greeted by my own personal shopping assistant who will carry my stuff, flatter me to no end and fetch me beverages. Maybe there will be a private room for the MVCs where we can enjoy free massages and cable TV. A salsa bar would be nice too. And of course an endless supply of the most delicious chocolate chip cookies in the world. Wow. I'm so excited!!! I'm off to Kohl's!

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