Chocolate Chip Cookies are NOT the Key I Repeat NOT the Key

Cookie of Evilness

I had another epiphany. This one was more like an anti-epiphany, in that it negated the previous epiphany.  It turns out that not only are chocolate chip cookies NOT the key, but they are the opposite of that. Instead of being the cure to all life's problems, they're actually the cause. That's right. They're evil---eeeeveeeel! They're the worst kind of evil because they make you think they're here to make everything better, when in fact, even the very best ones are only here to mess you up.

Imagine if you will the following:
Because of all their crunchy-chewy-soft-salty-sweet-chocolatey montage of deliciousness, you set out on a journey to make the perfect chocolate chip cookie. You convince yourself that when (if) the journey ends, you will come back to your loved ones with un-ending happiness and riches. So week after week you try out different recipes. And you sample one. Then another. Then sample some more. And then more, and then a bit more. But you have to, because it's your destiny, so you don't worry too much about all the sampling. Finally, you find THE ONE! The chocolate chip cookie that can't be improved upon---it's perfect! And you eat one---and then a bunch more just to be sure.

And you're happy until...
You put on your spandex biking shorts and look in the full-length mirror your husband bought for you. And then your kids see you and laugh and point, and then one says,"It looks like your thighs are kissing!" That's when you realize that your journey to the promised land was actually a journey to the land of shame and woe.

So dear reader, the moral to this story is two-fold: #1 there's no such thing as a perfect chocolate chip cookie and #2 Never trust an epiphany that comes to you while you're hungry.


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