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Showing posts from 2011

Blue Ribbon Chocolate Chip Cookies

When I was around ten years old I started 4-H with grand dreams of entering something in the Fair. Sadly, that dream was soon dashed when my 4-H leader kicked me out of 4-H and told me not to come back. (Just for the record, I was not making faces at her, I was making them at one of the other girls.) After that, I was too emotionally unstable to participate in food-related Fair contests---too many debilitating 4-H flashbacks. But after years of intense therapy and a strict regimen of large doses of Diet Pepsi, I was finally ready to face my demons.

So last week I entered a Wild Blueberry Pie and a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the County Fair. The judging at the Fair was nothing like I expected. I imagined a panel of professionals testing each entry meticulously and fairly. Instead, I was surprised to see one grandma named Mabel or Madge just randomly sampling entries as they were brought in. I have no idea what her credentials for judging food were---she was probably the only p…

I Think I'm Better Than You

I researched microwaves for weeks, but just couldn't bring myself to seal the deal. We're still sans microwave. I've come to sort of enjoy being without a microwave. Not because I enjoy waiting for an hour for butter to soften itself or because I enjoy having a jumbo Costco-size box full of microwave popcorn that we can't use. I enjoy it  because of the pleasant sense of moral superiority it gives me to live without something everyone else can't live without.

Frozen Yogurt is Still Stupid

There are many things I would love to bring back from the eighties---frozen yogurt is not one of them. I was shocked to see frozen yogurt shops popping up everywhere recently. Big 1980s hair? Yes, I would love to see that make a come back. But frozen yogurt? Have we learned nothing?

For the past year I've listened to countless people I know and generally trust, rave about how wonderful the new frozen yogurt shops were---which started me thinking. Maybe after 30 years of high-tech, intensive 21st century research, food scientists had finally come up with a frozen yogurt that tasted as good as ice cream, or at least tasted good. Turns out, that's not the case. It was terrible then and it's terrible now. In fact, I'm pretty sure they're using the exact same mixes that were created in the 80s. Some guy probably found some old frozen yogurt bags sitting in his basement, dusted them off, and decided to open a yogurt shop---and then somehow brainwashed people into thinki…

Free Loache (possibly evil) To Any Home---Except Devil Worshipers

My son is giving away his loache (which is a fish) if anyone is interested.They say you're not supposed to give pets away for free because then all the devil worshipers come and get them---so if you're a devil worshiper who's planning on torturing the loache, then the loache will cost you $20.00.  On the other hand, if you're a devil worshiper who's planning on not torturing the loache, then you can have it for free.

Yesterday I came home to find my eight year old in tears---major tears---completely inconsolable. His favorite fishy, whom we simply called "Fishy" (despite my son's many attempts to get other names to stick---e.g., Anakin, Mario, Spike, Colorful), got caught in the filter and died tragically. It wasn't a pretty death either. He lingered for quite awhile before going belly up.

Now it may not be fair, but as we all know, sometimes the best cure for a broken heart is to find someone to blame (even if the blame is misplaced). So I mentio…