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The Proper Way to Sit in a Restaurant Booth

Now I'm generally not one to go around telling other people how to live their lives (well, okay, I try not to be anyway), but once in awhile, I find some actions so offensive that I can't help but speak up.

I've never been a fan of couples who sit on the same side of a restaurant booth when no one is on the other side, but figured, hey as long as they aren't hurting anyone else, each to his or her own---until Friday---on Friday it became personal---on Friday I realized that these people really are hurting others. Friday we went to Red Lobster and there was a couple in front of me who were sitting side-by-side. Throughout the meal, this couple made me more and more uncomfortable. The way they were sitting, with nothing to look at, made it seem like they were looking right at me. Four beady little eyes watching me as I ate a pound of crab legs. And just to tell you, when I eat crab legs, it's not a pretty sight. It gets messy. It gets a little crazy. To have an audience made me self-conscious. I don't like to be self-conscious when I eat crab, I just want to eat the crab in a state of un-self aware bliss.

Because of this, I'm proposing a nation-wide ban on this practice. When two people are sitting in a booth at a restaurant, they should sit across from each other, on opposite sides, not side by side on the same bench. I will be distributing a petition shortly.

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