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Curly Fries Ruined our Economy

Through intensive and exhaustive speculation, I've concluded that the curly fry is to blame for our current economic condition. Not because if its mere existence (although it's un-tasty existence is to blame for a number of other problems), but because if its exclusivity.

The curly fry co-existed for many years in perfect harmony with its non-evil twin, the classic Homestyle Fry. When people wanted a regular fry, they could order it. When they could afford to eat extra fat and calories, they could order the giant battered coils of the curly fry. All was well and happy with both the consumer and the economy.

But then, without warning, Arby's took away the Homestyle Fry. Suddenly, the perfect balance was altered. It was yin without yang, dark without light, curly fry without homestyle fry. The curly fry was now free to run amok.


People had no choice but to order the over-caloried curly fry and sit with their friends and neighbors and indulge. It wasn't long until the corrupting influence of excess brought on by the over-consumption of the excessive curly fry took over and people were like "Hey, these curly fries are great. And they'd be even better smothered in cheese and Arby's sauce. And they'd be even better still If I was eating them in a million dollar house I can't afford!" And thus was born the housing debacle that led to the Great Recession.

So remember people, it's not your fault, it's not your banker's fault...it's not even the government's fault. It's the curly fry's fault. So please, if you have any interest at all in restoring the delicate balance between curly fry and Homestyle Fry, and resurrecting our economy along the way, please write or email Arby's and ask them to bring back their Homestyle Fries.

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