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Showing posts from August, 2010

Great New Beverage Idea!

I'm in the middle of creating a new series of carbonated beverages. My lineup includes three different varieties. The flagship product is a delicious tasting cola with a good amount of caffeine, 800 milligrams of Ibuprofen, and a splash of Prozac. I call it "PMS Defender". The second beverage contains all those same ingredients, but has a perfectly balanced taste combination of Devil's Food Cake, Lucky Charms, and sugar cookies. It's called "IDon'tGiveaCrap." The third beverage tastes like cheeseburgers, chili dogs and Doritos and is called "IHateEverybody".

The drinks will be primarily marketed to women, but men are more than welcome to enjoy them. I know several men personally who would benefit a great deal from drinking these beverages.

Zevia Review. Apparently, even Oprah can be wrong.

There was a little blurb in Oprah magazine this month about a new soda containing the sweetener Stevia. It says the soda, "...contains no calories, no sugar, no aftertaste, no artificial anything...it's delicious." You can imagine my excitement. Finally, a delicious tasting diet beverage with no aftertaste! I went to three different stores and couldn't find it. I finally found it in a grocery store about four cities to the north. I already had high expectations, because hello, Oprah, and then after I discovered it cost nearly a dollar a can, my expectations went even higher.

I wanted to try the Zevia cola, because without the caffeine, really, what's the point of a diet soda, but the store only carried the root beer, black cherry, and lemon-lime, so I bought the root beer.

I followed the Zevia directions and chilled the root beer---overnight in the refrigerator. I was nervously excited as I cracked one open. Could it really taste that good I wondered? I took a si…

I'm Co-Dependent on the Internet

Well Google, I hope you're happy. You've accomplished your goal. I am officially co-dependent on the Internet. Yes. I am, as the dictionary puts it: "...psychologicallydependentonthe [Internet] inanunhealthyway."  

The other day, I was sitting right by a window when someone asked, oh, is it raining? Then I said, hold on let me see. And then instead of just looking out the window to check, I turned to my computer and opened up my iGoogle home page weather gadget. Scary. I really don't think I'd survive more than say 3 days without the Internet.

Curly Fries Ruined our Economy

Through intensive and exhaustive speculation, I've concluded that the curly fry is to blame for our current economic condition. Not because if its mere existence (although it's un-tasty existence is to blame for a number of other problems), but because if its exclusivity.

The curly fry co-existed for many years in perfect harmony with its non-evil twin, the classic Homestyle Fry. When people wanted a regular fry, they could order it. When they could afford to eat extra fat and calories, they could order the giant battered coils of the curly fry. All was well and happy with both the consumer and the economy.

But then, without warning, Arby's took away the Homestyle Fry. Suddenly, the perfect balance was altered. It was yin without yang, dark without light, curly fry without homestyle fry. The curly fry was now free to run amok.


People had no choice but to order the over-caloried curly fry and sit with their friends and neighbors and indulge. It wasn't long until the c…

Pillow Miss-Configuration or Pillow-Tastrophie

I miss the days when I could sleep anywhere and on anything and wake up refreshed and pain-free. Those days are so over.

About a year ago, after months and months of trying various pillows and different sleeping positions I was finally able to configure two very different pillows in a very specific way to make sleeping comfortable. Sleeping and waking were quite nice for about a year. But then last week I went on vacation for a week and a half, and now for the life of me I can't remember how to re-create my special, specific pillow configuration! I've tried every variation of the pillows I can think of, but none of them feel right. My back and neck are killing me!! I've just eaten three large chocolate chip cookies and that didn't help. Now I'm completely out of ideas.

Sometimes Hitting A Brick Wall Doesn't Lead to Better Things

In an effort to be park more safely, I started backing my vehicle up my driveway a month or so ago. As others may attest, I'm not known for my fabulous car backing skills, or really parking the car in general. I can drive just fine, but parking for some reason, has never come easy to me. Anywho, the other day, as I was parking in my more safe way, my back bumper hit the edge of a brick wall next to our driveway, damaging both the vehicle and the wall, which, much to my disappointment, turned out to actually be a bad thing.

Initially, I was pretty upset over my mistake. But then I got to thinking that maybe the accident wasn't such a bad thing---maybe it could turn out to be a good thing. You know those horrible incidents that later turn out to be wonderful, life-saving miracles? Like the story where a kid gets hit really hard in the head with a baseball, so hard that  he has to be taken to the hospital, and everyone feels really bad, especially the kid who threw the baseball.…