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Can't Get Enough Coverage

I'm trying to find a new swimsuit. Yes, I know summer is half over, but these things take time. Initially, my plan was to go for a nice long tankini and a modest pair of board shorts. But thanks to my superior internet searching skills, I've discovered that I have many more coverage options.

I've reached the point in my life where I'm not out to show anything off, accentuate anything, or basically be noticed while in a bathing suit in any way. I've given up on the notion that you can "balance" a generous hip area with high-cut legs and a fetching top. Sorry people but no matter what the "experts" say it wouldn't matter if I wore a suit with the leg opening cut to my bellybutton and a top with a flock of flamingos glued to it, the cottage cheese on my rear would still be the most noticeable thing.

Also with my advancing age and dare I say advancing maturity (hah, as if), I can't get enough coverage from the sun. I buy 100 SPF sunscreen, wear huge hats and recently purchased a beach umbrella. The more skin my swimsuit covers the less hassle all those other methods of sun protection are.

So here is a picture of the suit I was originally going to buy:

Then I figured, hey why not get something to cover my back,shoulders and arms. So then I was going to buy this:

But then I realized my legs were still exposed, so came across this. Yes, this is real. Look how happy she is. We'd all be that happy if we weren't fretting about our exposed body parts (e.g., waa, poor me I'm too white, too fat, too flat, too breasty, too flabby, too saggy, too dimply, too hairy, too freckly, too skinny, too scaly, too moley, too stretch-markey,  etc.)
How great is that? The only thing I'd have to sunscreen is my face and hands. On the other hand, I'd still have to sunscreen my face and hands. Those are the worst things to sunscreen. I'm going to keep looking for a suit with more coverage.


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