Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from June, 2010

The Re-Introduction of Wild Cows

I was listening to a radio program about the endangerment of wild tigers the other day and it got me thinking about the animals that don't have any wild counterpart, like the cow. Why isn't anybody sad that there aren't any wild cows running around? Surely cows were wild at one time.

Aren't cows important? Aren't they just as deserving as tigers to live wild and free? What makes tigers so special? If I were in prison and was forced to choose between a cow or a tiger for a cellmate, I'd pick the cow every time. After all, you can't milk a tiger. Well, maybe you could, but I just don't see that happening. Plus, the cow wouldn't eat me. Well, maybe it would, but I don't really see that happening either.

Let's take a moment and compare cows and tigers. Cows give us milk, which begets all those tasty snacks like cheese, yogurt, and ice cream---from cows we get leather, gelatin (or is that from horses, I forget), burgers, steak, blah, blah, bl…

I want to be your warlord.

I was listening to NPR yesterday about a story on Afghanistan warlords, and I have to ask, how cool is that word---warlord? The next time someone asks me what I do, I am going to say, "Who me, oh, I'm a warlord."

Being realistic, I'll probably have to start out as the warlord of a single neighborhood. I think my neighbors would enjoy having their own warlord. However, I may need to work my way up to warlording. Maybe I'll have to start out as say a skirmishlord then eventually get promoted to battlelord, then finally warlord. I'm pretty sure that's the typical career path for a warlord.

I wonder what my people will call me? Maybe just warlord, or most benevolent warlord---or maybe just Lord, no, that's too weird, maybe warlord Jill. Whatever it is, it will most definitely include the word warlord, because you really can't say it too much. warlord.

I'm a Baaaack!

As it turns out I still have a lot more to complain about, and for some reason, nobody around my house wants to listen. So at the risk of being yet another whiny blogger, I'm coming out of blogging retirement for awhile to air a few grievances and propose a few more killer ideas for the betterment of society.