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Showing posts from June 14, 2009

Fattening Conspiracy

Last week I realized I could stand to shed a couple of pounds, so decided to cut back on a few calories. Nothing drastic of course, just limiting myself to like 2 bowls of cereal at night instead of 3, taking 1 cookie at a time instead of 2...things that are easy, but after a week should make the skinny jeans somewhat wearable. Anyway, oddly, after a week of this, not only did I not lose any weight, I actually gained weight! How is that possible?

My first thought was that the scale wasn't working. (I broke down and bought a new scale.) But certain clothes don't lie, it was obvious the scale was accurate. My second thought was that there was a giant fattening conspiracy going on. Like maybe someone, or a group of someones, was making me gain weight. It really is the only logical answer. The question is, who would do that? Who would have something to gain by fattening me up?

That is a tricky question. At first I thought maybe my husband, but really, out of everyone he would have t…

Join My Virtual Book Club!!!

Do you love to read but never do? When you sit down to start a good book, do you stop after the first page because you feel guilty about all the chores or obligations you "should" be doing? Do you refrain from purchasing books, because you think they're a luxury you just can't justify? If any or any parts of those statements sound familiar, well grieve no longer, I have the answer! You need to join my book club! My book club will absolve you of any reading-inspired guilt.

If reading was an obligatory assignment, rather than a perceived, self-indulgent luxury, then how could you not spend hours on end doing it? It's your obligation, nay your duty. You owe it to the book club. You can't let the book club down, what would Oprah say? You can't be responsible for the occasional chore left unfinished while you finish your novel, after all, it's an assignment...there could be a test!

So if you're sitting on the couch reading, and your person of familiar…

Sometimes I miss the bad old days.

I know we've learned a lot and live longer and healthier lives than we did back in the day, but sometimes I miss the shorter and unhealthy lives of yester-year. It's not that I would ever want to go back thirty years, but there are definitely things I miss, such as the following ten items:
Riding things with wheels without first spending twenty minutes suiting up in protective armor (i.e., helmets, pads, special eye wear, shoes).Riding in cars without seat belts. Which includes, but is not limited to: riding in the back of pick up trucks, and doubling the capacity of cars by riding on laps.Second-hand smoke. Few things bring back my pleasant 1977 memories of Disneyland than the smell of a stranger's cigarette. The Marathon candy bar!Letting kids run around the neighborhood and surrounding areas unsupervised. Everything not causing cancer.No commercials on Cable TV.Eating raw-egg-containing cookie dough without fear. Okay, that was only eight, but I'm tired and have to …