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Showing posts from June, 2009

Help Me Stop the Kaysville Cannon!

Each 4th of July morning, the dreaded Kaysville Cannon goes off every 10 minutes or so starting at 6:00 in the morning. This cannon is so loud it can be heard for miles. It shakes our house, rattles the windows, freaks out our dog, and startles us awake way too early on a holiday.

It's purpose? To rouse the citizens of Kaysville and Fruit Heights for the annual chuck-a-rama breakfast...which I choose not to attend. And if I did choose to attend, I would choose to be awaken by some nice peaceful music, not by a succession of bombs that trigger all my horrific Vietnam flashbacks.

The 4th is days away, and already I'm jittery and nervous with anticipation. The cannon practically ruins the entire holiday. I've had enough, and it's time to for me to take a stand. All you Kaysville/Fruit Heights residents out there, are you with me?

I Recommend This Nail Polish

Sally Hansen Insta-Dry nail polish is awesome! Sure it dries quickly, but that's just a bonus, the real reason to buy it is the brush. It's different than any other brush I've tried. It is extra wide and stiff, which makes polishing your nails faster and with less mess (i.e., It's easier to stay in the lines---even on the left hand!)

Sally claims you can polish each nail with one stroke, but it still takes me a couple---maybe I have extra wide nails---I don't know, but it still goes on fast.

I just bought another shade at the Super Target and it only cost about $4.50. Totally worth it! If you can't trust me, then you can certainly trust Oprah...she's the one who told me about it.

Biker Ettiquette: Would it Kill People To Wave?

There's an unwritten tradition among bicycle riders that's been respected for centuries---until now. That tradition is the bikers' wave. Back in the day, when you'd see a fellow biker out riding, you'd exchange the biker wave. The biker wave is a special thing, somewhat akin to the Harley wave, but probably much, much older. To do it, you keep both hands on the handlebars and then with your palm still on the bar, raise the fingers of your left hand. That's it. A simple gesture that says, hi there, I see you and you see me. We are both riding bikes so we have something in common. Without the wave, the ride gets lonely, and all the people around seem unfriendly and cold.

This morning I was out riding and not one single rider returned my biker wave. I waved to a least seven bikers. Granted, a couple of them were riding mountain bikes, and they never wave, but the road bikers certainly should have.

So come on people, if someone waves to you (even if it's me)…

Fattening Conspiracy

Last week I realized I could stand to shed a couple of pounds, so decided to cut back on a few calories. Nothing drastic of course, just limiting myself to like 2 bowls of cereal at night instead of 3, taking 1 cookie at a time instead of 2...things that are easy, but after a week should make the skinny jeans somewhat wearable. Anyway, oddly, after a week of this, not only did I not lose any weight, I actually gained weight! How is that possible?

My first thought was that the scale wasn't working. (I broke down and bought a new scale.) But certain clothes don't lie, it was obvious the scale was accurate. My second thought was that there was a giant fattening conspiracy going on. Like maybe someone, or a group of someones, was making me gain weight. It really is the only logical answer. The question is, who would do that? Who would have something to gain by fattening me up?

That is a tricky question. At first I thought maybe my husband, but really, out of everyone he would have t…

Join My Virtual Book Club!!!

Do you love to read but never do? When you sit down to start a good book, do you stop after the first page because you feel guilty about all the chores or obligations you "should" be doing? Do you refrain from purchasing books, because you think they're a luxury you just can't justify? If any or any parts of those statements sound familiar, well grieve no longer, I have the answer! You need to join my book club! My book club will absolve you of any reading-inspired guilt.

If reading was an obligatory assignment, rather than a perceived, self-indulgent luxury, then how could you not spend hours on end doing it? It's your obligation, nay your duty. You owe it to the book club. You can't let the book club down, what would Oprah say? You can't be responsible for the occasional chore left unfinished while you finish your novel, after all, it's an assignment...there could be a test!

So if you're sitting on the couch reading, and your person of familiar…

Sometimes I miss the bad old days.

I know we've learned a lot and live longer and healthier lives than we did back in the day, but sometimes I miss the shorter and unhealthy lives of yester-year. It's not that I would ever want to go back thirty years, but there are definitely things I miss, such as the following ten items:
Riding things with wheels without first spending twenty minutes suiting up in protective armor (i.e., helmets, pads, special eye wear, shoes).Riding in cars without seat belts. Which includes, but is not limited to: riding in the back of pick up trucks, and doubling the capacity of cars by riding on laps.Second-hand smoke. Few things bring back my pleasant 1977 memories of Disneyland than the smell of a stranger's cigarette. The Marathon candy bar!Letting kids run around the neighborhood and surrounding areas unsupervised. Everything not causing cancer.No commercials on Cable TV.Eating raw-egg-containing cookie dough without fear. Okay, that was only eight, but I'm tired and have to …

There's a new m&m in town.

We found these new m&ms in California called Strawberried Peanut Butter.

At first we thought they were only available in California. We were all excited to bring some back home to all the deprived citizens of Utah. Then we wised up after recalling our Florida debacle. Years ago on a trip to Florida, we brought back souvenirs from what we thought was a quaint little local crab restaurant. Turns out that Joe's Crab Shack was a nationwide chain, with one in every state. (Sorry about the Joe's Crab Shack t-shirt Dad.)

So even though we didn't get to be heroes and pass out new m&ms to all of you, the good news is these m&ms are everywhere. Yes, even in Utah.

Based on the name, I didn't think I'd like them much, but I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. They are peanut butter m&ms with a shot of strawberry flavoring, which is pretty strong, so strong in fact, you can't taste the chocolate coating. I know it sounds kind of gross, but the flavor …

If you hate something, should you keep trying it?

I tell my kids that even though they hate yams, they should keep trying them, because one day, they might like them. They don't believe me, but one day they'll know I'm right. After all, people are the most adaptive animal on earth (probably). I'll bet we could learn to like the taste of vomit if we just keep trying it. Given the chance, or no other choice, people will eat anything, live anywhere, and do pretty much anything---and like it. They're like a weed. Proof positive: diet soda, living in Greenland, and BASE jumping.

Okay, on to my point: running. I hate running. I mean really, really hate it. I don't mean the fun type of running like chasing squirrels, I mean the brutal kind people do for exercise. The kind where people run just for the sake of running. That, me no likey. That shouldn't be a problem---after all, I'm an adult (sort of) and I realize that I'm under no obligation to like stuff. But running is the ideal exercise. I really wan…