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My Upcoming Midlife Crisis

Last week I was watching TV and a commercial for wrinkle cream came on. My 5 year old turned to me and said, "Mom, you need that."

I guess it's obvious, even to a five year old, that I'm not getting any younger.

I figure a midlife crisis could strike at anytime. Instead of waiting around for it, I've decided to buckle down and get it over with. Like all great crises, I'm going to take my time and really plan this one out.

I could trade in my44 year old man for two 22 year olds. But if I did, I would actually have to start doing stuff. Like pretending to be interested in boring work stories and going wake boarding every Saturday. One 22 year old would be exhausting, let alone two. And I'm not even sure what wake boarding is. Scratch that one.

Maybe I'll start using words like "dude" and "redonculous". Oh wait, I'm already saying those things. Maybe I'll start dying my hair, oh yeah, I do that too.

Hmmm, this is tougher than I thought. Maybe I'll buy a shiny pink bullet bike and drive 101 mph on the freeway. That would make me look young! But then I'd have to get a motorcycle license. Plus I'd have to spend a lot of money. Plus, we really don't have any room for one in our tiny garage.

I'm running out of ideas. Maybe I'll just go buy that wrinkle cream.

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