I'm Going to Fake It

I've never been a fan of housework. When I was a kid, after running out of ways to avoid it, I conjured little fantasies in order to endure my Saturday chore list. While I was dusting the living room, I used to pretend I was Alice from the Brady Bunch. It helped pass the time and made it more bearable, but made the chore last twice as long. Part-way into my cleaning, Mrs. Brady would usually die (ah, the tragedy). Then, one night after the funeral, Mr. Brady would see me with my hair down and fall madly in love with me...at long last! (I always thought Mike Brady was hot---pre-perm of course.) While we'd dated, he made the kids do most of the cleaning. After the wedding, we hired a new maid. She looked a lot like the former Mrs. Brady, but surly and not as attractive. With all this drama going on, my cleaning rate was of course extremely slow. Maybe that's why my mom seldom asked me to do much cleaning.

The Alice fantasies don't really help me endure housework anymore...maybe if there were some modern maid role models on TV... But alas, until TV steps up and solves my problem, I need to find a way to enjoy cleaning.

I know there are people out there who like doing housework. There's even people who love cleaning more than anything else. I know this, because I saw it on Donahue once. So the question is, if they can love it, then why can't I? After all, loving it is just a matter of thinking about it favorably. I can change my feelings about it by changing my thoughts about it (oooo, look at me...I'm channeling Oprah right now; she'd be so proud!). So basically, I'm going to fake it. I'm going to pretend like when I wake up in the morning that I can't wait to jump out of bed and scrub the floor and wash clothes. I'll pretend like cleaning the toilet is my greatest joy in life. Wow, I can feel it already working! I'm getting so excited to go clean right now!! (Well, right after I check my email again and verify my bank balances of course.)


  1. Hey when you figure it out, let me in on the secret! I hate to clean the house, and thus usually only the downstairs gets the cleaning, because that's is the only part of the house people usually see!

  2. That part I hate most is washing the floors!!! Occasionally I do it the pioneer way...hands and knees. Thats the worst. But I can't even say I like the swiffer either. UGH! Ty says I can get a maid every once in awhile. Feb might be it! The floors are so DIRTY! After cleaning the whole house I usually treat myself to something fattening.


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