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Why Don't I Look Like a Victoria's Secret Model?

Why don't I look like the woman in this picture?


I mean, really...if I buy the same pants as her, I should look like her...at least from the waist down. Right? Right? Isn't that the veiled promise from the company?

Here's a picture of me in the same pants (in olive green, not tan as shown). I know it's a little hard to tell how they look from this angle, but this was the best shot of the bunch. My three year old was the photographer, and my five year old wouldn't stay out of the picture.

In desperate need of pants, and as you may know, unable to find a good place to buy any, I decided to try some from Victoria's Secret. They had an offer for free shipping both ways, so I figured I had nothing to lose (except, apparently, a bit of self-esteem). Plus, they send me so many catalogs, I was beginning to feel guilty for not buying anything. Plus, plus, look at her butt...I wanted my butt to look like that!

So I ordered the pants . They arrived, I tried them on, and was immediately disappointed. Instead of looking like her, I looked frumpy, a little dumpy, with a wide, flat rear-end. I kept telling myself that it was the pants' fault. Maybe they're just cut weird. Maybe I got a bad shipment. Maybe this pair was created by a disgruntled sewer in Malaysia who was trying to make some political statement.

A couple of days went by, and I thought maybe I was being too hard on the pants. I tried them on again, and this time asked for my husband's opinion (dangerous, I know). I told him I wanted the truth, the total truth. I promised him it wasn't a trap. I guaranteed him there wouldn't be any repercussions. Surprisingly, maybe even shockingly, he bought it and told me the truth. His very carefully chosen, exact words were: "It looks bigger than it really is." And by "it" he meant my rear-end. I swallowed my pride, fought the urge to revoke my repercussions guarantee, and answered, "That's what I thought."

So back to Victoria's Secret they go, to wait for the next naive customer to buy them. Meanwhile, I will continue to wallow in my disillusionment. Maybe my expectations were set too high. If I wasn't comparing myself to what's her name, then maybe they wouldn't seem so bad. In the "Reason for Return" box, I'm going to write: "Didn't Make Me Look Like the Model in Your Catalog." I'll have to write really small.

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