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I told my kids the truth about Santa Claus

So as my kids' Christmas lists became so long they required a second page, I decided to sit them down and tell them the truth about Santa...

Me: Santa probably won't get you all the stuff on your list this year.
Them: Why not?
Me: Well...Santa lost a lot of money in the Stock Market and the price of materials and gas has gone up, so he can't afford to make and deliver all the toys kids ask for.
What's a Stock Market?
Me: It's, it's, well, it's...okay, wait, where's the whiteboard marker?

I explained why the economy was so rotten, and they actually listened. Well, they actually pretended to listen, and did it quite well.

After I concluded, Ryder took the marker and said:

"This is our house. (drew a dot)
. We drive from our house (drew a line across the board) and go to the bank. Then we get some money (drew another line back to the starting point) and drive back."

Ah, the simplicity of a child. He obviously wasn't paying attention to the credit-crunch portion of my presentation. Drunk with the power of the whiteboard (and frankly, who can blame him) he wanted to continue his lecture, but Asher was ready for his turn. (I'll skip the details on the resulting fight, and just move on to Asher's rebuttal.)

Asher drew a picture of
Plankton--the guy from Spongebob---sitting on a rock. Then said, "We push this (pointed to the rock). The money goes up to Plankton's ears (drew lines up to Plankton's ears).Then the money comes out and we all have enough money (drew lines coming out of Plankton's ears)

When he was finished, the two of them were silently beaming at me, with smug little looks on their faces. And then one of them said, "See, Santa will bring us everything on our list."

To which I replied something along the lines of, "Uhhh, okay, never mind. Let's go eat some cookies."

So the moral of the story is, don't tell your kids the truth about Santa Claus. Instead, "mail" their lists and then hope they forget half the stuff they asked for. That's my new plan.

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