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Showing posts from October, 2008

Sorry Wrigley's, You Do Know Best

I owe the Wrigley's Gum company an apology. When they first changed Extra gum from the traditional gum package to the new gum-portfolio package I was very angry. I complained about it to everyone I knew. I said, Wrigley's didn't know what they were doing. I said, don't they know people don't like change?! I told people that getting a piece of gum had now become a laborious process. Instead of just pulling out a piece like before, now I first had to slide out the closure tab, then open the top, take out a piece, fold down the top, and finally, fasten the tab back into the little slot (whew!).

I went to Costco and bought a carton full of traditionally-packaged gum. Ha! I'd shown them! They couldn't force me to go along with their crazy marketing scheme! So I ate all that Costco gum, well, I didn't eat it, I guess I chewed it, and at some point, not sure when, maybe around pack #7, realized the huge advantage the new packaging had over the old packaging. Wi…

The Truth about Pantyhose

I haven't worn pantyhose in years. I'm not even sure if that's what they're still called.

In the summer I wear sandals with skirts (albeit with guilt*). In the winter, I wear boots.

I decided to start wearing heels to church, so I went to Super Target and bought a pair of pantyhose.

Can I just say, they're awful. I remember now why I stopped wearing them.

The one thing I did remember about them is the weekly struggle I had tugging them on, so I intentionally bought them a size too big. They do go on more easily, but now they bunch and fold and sag (ha, that's the exact description I was going to use to describe the cellulite on my rearend!).

The other problem is the panty part of the pantyhose. I assume the idea behind it is to contain and define the ol' derriere. Unfortunately, the panty part isn't long enough, or maybe my heiny isn't short enough (okay, there's no maybe about it. It doesn't end wear it's suppose to. Will it be down to my kn…

Spin on Boy!

This fall, Asher joined the billion of other kids who play soccer. Does this make me a soccer mom? Ugh, I hope not. Anyway, both he and I have learned many things this season, and surprisingly, how to play soccer isn't one of them.

The first two games, Reni and I groaned as he paused in the middle of the field to show off his handstands and cartwheels. During the breaks, we barked tips and ideas to him.
"Keep focused!" Watch the ball!" "Stop doing cartwheels!" blah blah blah.

In the middle of his third game, Asher reached out his arms and started running in big circles pretending he was an airplane. He turned his face to the sun and closed his eyes half-way (or maybe all the way, we couldn't tell). He had a huge crazy smile on his face. Reni and I were yelling to him, "Asher, stop spinning and watch the ball!" Asher, watch the ball!" But he couldn't hear us. He was in his own little world. I looked down and noticed Ryder had the same c…

Bathroom Smells like Pee

Our bathroom has the overwhelming stench of urine. I know with two little boys, that's bound to happen, which it has, a lot, but this time is different. This time, despite our cleaning efforts, we can't eliminate it. We can't find the source, the ground-zero, if you will. First we thought it was the tub, then the floor. Cleaned them both, still stinks. Then I thought it was the heater vent. That must be a tempting target. I cleaned that this morning. It still stinks. Where could it be?

I've interrogated both boys, but their memories are spotty at best. Each time I question them, I get different answers. They did both admit to going in the tub, but other than that, their stories don't match up at all, and frankly don't make much sense.

We have several options here:
1. Hope we get used to the smell and stop noticing it.
2. Hang an air freshener to cover the smell.
3. Perform an even more thorough cleaning (walls, ceiling, etc ---I'm not sure what their maximum ra…

Jill Day Let Me Down

I probably should have taken Cherice's advice and had a pedicure yesterday. I've never had one, and actually, that was one of my 2008 goals. But I didn't. The day started off wonderful and ended fine. The middle wasn't so great. But as I said to Ren, every day has a blah part, even the best of days.

The criteria I set down for my activities were: 1) They must be things I couldn't really do or enjoy doing with the kids 2) They couldn't involve housework of any kind and 3) They had to be things that would be fun alone (i.e., bowling was out). That really doesn't leave much too choose from I discovered. Two things that fit the criteria were a long hike and reading a book. I decided to do both at the same time. I had an audio-book on my iPod; I've never "read" a book while hiking. It was a very interesting experience.

At 9:38 AM I left the car and started up Adams Canyon. I hadn't planned being there so long, but was enjoying it so much I decide…

My Dilemma

I have a dilemma. It's a good dilemma, but a dilemma nonetheless. I have the day off tomorrow. That's right. Zero obligations. Reni took the day off and told me to have a "Jill Day." A day where I could go anywhere I wanted and do anything I wanted. So what's the problem? The problem is, I can't think of anything I want to do!

Here's a few thoughts I had, and my reasons for rejecting each one:

Go shopping, and not for groceries (I don't really like shopping. I know, I know, I'm ashamed of myself)
Get a massage (I don't think I'm the massage-type)
Go on a 2 hour bike ride (Sounds fun, but it might be too cold; I am a cold baby)
Go on a 2 hour walk (Sounds too tiring)
Read a book (boring)
Go to a movie (alone? boring.)

My worry is that I will twiddle away the hours tomorrow and end up doing nothing. I don't want to waste this rare opportunity. Why can't I think of something I want to do? Have I become one of those women who doesn't have …

When did I become such a slob?

It must have happened pretty gradually, or I would have noticed. Or maybe I've always been a slob and I'm just now noticing. But that can't be the case. I remember seeing women shopping in their jammy pants, shameless, at the grocery store, and I would think,"I'll never be like that." I vowed in those days to only go out of the house with at least some makeup on and in clothing instead of lounge-wear. Fast forward to now. What happened to me?

The other day, I walked my boy to school. (He's in afternoon Kindergarten. It starts at 12:45. This is relevant to the story.) While we waited for the bell, his teacher came out. Asher stepped out of line and started walking towards her. I wondered why he wasn't staying in line like usual. I tried to coax him back to his place. He kept walking. When he was standing next to her, he announced, "My mom's still in her jammies!"

Okay, now let me explain. I wasn't wearing actual jammy pants, I was wear…

Another Great Idea

Ya know how all the tree-huggers and/or celebrities are criticizing everyone for buying/making water in plastic bottles? They say that there's something like a billion thrown in the trash every minute. They say that they're killing whales and causing global warming---or was it warming whales and killing the globe? Either way, they're apparently bad. Well, I have to make a confession: I still buy them.

They are so darn convenient. Sometimes I just want to carry water in over-priced, single-serving containers. And I don't think I'm alone. Which leads us to my great idea---Imagine you're at the beach, you're hot and need a drink. You reach in the cooler and pull out an icy cold can of...water.

That's right, water; canned water. Why not sell water in aluminum cans? Aluminum is cheap and easy to recycle. Nothing gets a drink colder that aluminum.* Sure, there would be some "re-education" required. People like to see their water to know it's clean…

Is It Over ?- Update and Conclusion

Okay, so like most my worries, my worry over my haircutter lady dumping me, was unfounded. Turns out her phone hasn't been working. Thank you for stopping me from turning to SuperCuts in my state of weakness. I'm sure I would have regretted it.

Why Don't I Look Like a Victoria's Secret Model?

Why don't I look like the woman in this picture?

I mean, really...if I buy the same pants as her, I should look like least from the waist down. Right? Right? Isn't that the veiled promise from the company?

Here's a picture of me in the same pants (in olive green, not tan as shown). I know it's a little hard to tell how they look from this angle, but this was the best shot of the bunch. My three year old was the photographer, and my five year old wouldn't stay out of the picture.

In desperate need of pants, and as you may know, unable to find a good place to buy any, I decided to try some from Victoria's Secret. They had an offer for free shipping both ways, so I figured I had nothing to lose (except, apparently, a bit of self-esteem). Plus, they send me so many catalogs, I was beginning to feel guilty for not buying anything. Plus, plus, look at her butt...I wanted my butt to look like that!

So I ordered the pants . They arrived, I tried them on, and was…

Is It Over? -- Part 2

So I decided to try out one of our local haircut places. There's quite a few that don't require an appointment. I like that; I have a phobia about appointments. But I needed someone else to try it first. I needed a guinea pig...Ryder! That probably sounds mean, but I did ask him first; he had a choice. Plus, his hair grows the fastest, so it seemed fair. Here's our conversation:

Me: Do you want to be my guinea pig?
Him: Yes.
Him: I don't want to be a sinny gig.
Me: Ha! Too late, you already said yes! Get your shoes on, let's go.

So we went to Totally Clips. (Whenever I say that name, I can't help but break into Totally Eclipse of the Heart. I actually bought the sheet music for that song way back when, and could sort of play it on the piano. I thought I was so cool.) We walked in, had to wait about 20 minutes, and then she took us back to her chair. She was really nice. I told her what I wanted, and she did exactly what I said. She put a cartoon on for Ryder an…

Is it Over?

I think the person who cuts my hair is trying to break up with me! Maybe I'm being paranoid, maybe I'm over-analyzing it; I hope that's the case. I've called her many times over that past couple of weeks and she never picks up. She usually sees my number on her caller ID and returns my call within a day, but I haven't heard from her at all this time. A bit suspicious. I thought maybe she was on vacation, but then I saw her at church. I've been racking my brain trying to think if we did something wrong on our last appointment, but I can't think of anything. I've always paid her well, the kids love going there. Asher only squirted her once with the sink sprayer, and that was awhile ago; I'm sure she's gotten over that.

She's been cutting our hair for like 10 years. If she is breaking things off, wouldn't a decade-long relationship warrant a face-to-face break-up rather than this? Don't I deserve better? I'm a bit torn. Each time I c…

Self-Service Blood Donation---A Good Idea?

Last night I had an interesting dream. I went to the post office and noticed they had a self-service kiosk setup for donating blood. I missed my last blood drive, so I figured now was my chance. I sat down, pushed a couple of buttons and a blood bag appeared. Then, similar to those automatic coffee machines, it filled up with some type of red gel. I figured this was the preservative. It was very cool. I grabbed a donating kit, and the blood bag and walked over to a table to begin. I pulled out a tiny piece of paper with a few instructions. There wasn't any antiseptic, but I found a couple of wet-naps on the floor and used those to sterilize my arm. I felt so medical; it was great! The instructions then said to use a safety pin to poke a hole. There wasn't a safety pin in the kit, but there was a big yellow pencil. It looked like it had been sharpened by a beaver. It was the sharpest thing I could find, so I decided that it would have to do. I looked at my arm, found a vein, a…